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How to develop true congruence with oneself, in order to trust and love another

To be congruent is to except your true personality for what it is and let others see your true self.  A truly congruent person does not change to accommodate the pressures of others around them or be influenced into acting in a different way to which they are comfortable.  To be congruent is to be comfortable in your own skin, once this comfort is achieved then it is possible to make true friends and build relationships as people know who you really are and there are no hidden layers of personality.

Experiences with others are what build meaningful relationships, through every day activities such as; music, food and ordinary pleasures it is possible to build friendships by opening up to the feelings that the experience has brought.  When one is happy with themselves it is easier to be open up, thus easier to build friendships and relationships.

Social and self confidence is one in the same thing; some people are lucky enough to be born with this personality trait, or have come from a loving, friendly background that has developed them into that person.  Some people are not born with these qualities or have not had the loving surroundings to develop a confident personality, which can lead to difficulties with developing relationships.

So how does someone develop the social confidence to be open about who they are? Everyone is different and how you develop your confidence will depend on your attitude to others.  It is important to feel the mood around you and consider the feeling of others, be a part of the moment and express oneself in that situation.  These things are best done a tiny step at a time, each achievement will build confidence.

One of the problems with building social confidence is being able to except rejection; rejection can come in many forms, it might be something someone says that makes you feel small after you interacted with them or it could be something more significant like being rejected a promotion.  Whether the rejection is your fault or not it is important to find ways of getting over the feeling of rejection and replacing it with a feeling of determination to succeed next time.

Building these small steps of confidence will help to deal with rejection; eventually to a point that you will no longer feel rejected but just a small learning curve in your quest to succeed in the task at hand.  With social confidence you will develop congruence with oneself, once you believe that people will accept you for who you are, interacting with different people will become easier.

We meet hundreds of people in our life but we only consider a handful of them to be friends or people that we really know.  This is possibly because those people have managed to open up to us and have the same values and are not afraid to express them to one another.  It is the basis of friendships that come about this way that build relationships and eventually love for one another.  “To be trusted is to be trusting and to be loved is to be loving”.

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